Acceptance Just Is
When Krishna was first diagnosed as autistic, I thought I had accepted it—after I got over the disbelief and grief. Yet, when someone spoke to him and he didn’t answer, or said a few words that seemed to have no connection, I would rush in to fill the gaps. To ask leading questions—and then answer […]
Financial Planning
“When do you start financial planning for your autistic child?” Yesterday. Because it is never too early to start. The earlier you begin, the more time you give yourself to create wealth, invest wisely, and plan not just for your child, but also for yourself. We began this process for Krishna a couple of years […]
What Does Inclusion Really Mean?
I was scared. “Ma’am, I don’t want to…” “Gayatri, why don’t you try? Just once?” I wanted to. Very much. But something held me back, something I did not have the words for at that age—the strange, tight knot of fear that sat in my chest even as my eyes followed the other children climbing, […]
What Stigma? And Why?
“My son has stopped responding to his name. He has stopped looking me in the eye. I think he’s autistic. But I’m afraid to take him for a diagnosis.” “But why? A diagnosis may clear things up, no? You’ll know what steps to take next.” “But suppose they say he is autistic… then what will […]
When Words Fade, Communication Must Not
“Krishna, what do birds eat?” “Pija!” replied 2-year-old Krishna, who was eating pizza at the time. “You’re eating pizza, baby, and you’re not a bird. What’s your name?” “Santalagopalakisha!” he promptly giggled. (Krishna’s “traditional” name is Santanagopalakrishnan. Yes, a huge name for a tiny boy!) Till he was 3.5, Krishna was very verbal and communicating […]
What After Us?
“”After us, then what?” This question popped up in my mind for the nth time yesterday morning, just about this time. I was frantically cleaning the sofa while Krishna’s father struggled to hold a cross, protesting Krishna. “Wait, Krishna! Let Amma finish cleaning the sofa. Then you can lie down. Next time, use the loo; […]
Courage
“Let me tell you a story of courage. A story of love.” Yesterday, I was waiting for Krishna to finish his therapy. A blue electric auto purred to a stop next to me, and another mother stepped out. “Hey, Neelima! How are you doing? How’s Arav?” (Names changed.) She smiled at me. “Both good, Gayatri!” […]
A Day in My Life
“So, what’s for breakfast?” For me, this is the scariest question possible on a Monday morning. Especially when my delightful maid decides to take off for a few days without letting me know. Krishna is an extremely picky eater, my parents need very soft and bland food, and my husband and I need something to […]
You Are Not Alone in This
Autism parenting seems a lonely journey. Autism seems a lonely journey. It needn’t be. Krishna’s first regression happened when he was about 4. “That’s not typical,” the doctors told me. “Are you sure you noticed nothing earlier? Very sure?” The diagnosis of autism was intimidating enough. And then to be told that even within this […]
When a Child Cannot Speak, We Must
Children are society’s most vulnerable. And autistic children? Even more than “most.” A few nights ago, a friend shared a video. A horrible incident. In it, a so-called special educator thrashes a 10-year-old autistic boy in a school. I am not sharing the video here. Not because it should be hidden. But because I found […]
The Taste of Hope
“Krishna, big, black eye!” And Krishna burst into peals of laughter. My cheek was against his and I peered into his eye. His comically huge, shiny, black side eye. My eye must have looked even more hilarious, and he laughed loud and long. For the first time in 6 long months of silent withdrawal, suffering, […]
Trust Your Gut (About Your Child)
“I’ve seen many autistic children, but none like Krishna! Please admit him for 2 weeks in a psychiatric hospital.” When Krishna’s neurologist said this, she saw him at the peak of his pain. He was thrashing in my arms, spitting, crying, and desperately trying to break free to hurt himself. “But Doctor, this is his […]