The Language of Love
Does love need a spoken language? The gaze holding yours with such power that your soul is laid bare… The scent of that little head, sweet despite hair tangled with food, mud, and other strange objects whose history you can’t begin to guess… The thin hand that grips your wrist ferociously, nails digging in hard […]
The Weight of Guilt
Let me tell you a story about parenting guilt. “Krishna, say bye to me. I’m going to the hospital. I’ll be back by evening.” Krishna was hiding under his comforter. He twitched a little foot, acknowledging me, and I fled before he changed his mind. Yesterday, I went to the hospital to finish various admission […]
Grace
“Little one, won’t you smile for me?” Her eyes twinkled, and her smile held more warmth than the summer night outside. Her hands held Krishna’s firmly, but gently. Krishna stopped struggling to escape from my arms. He looked into her kind eyes, astonished. It was night. Krishna and I waited in the hospital room as […]
When Helplessness Peaks
Watching your child hurt themself takes your feeling of helplessness as a parent to a different level. Krishna had a horrible weekend, and so did his parents. He was in some pain that he couldn’t express. How did he react? By hurting himself. His head, his hands, his feet. His doctors prescribed tests. They prescribed […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – XII
Part 12: The Future I began this series in response to my son Krishna’s frustrating hospital experience. I am surely not the only autism parent to have gone through something similar, and so I wanted to spread awareness. Autism parents also carry the enormous responsibility of preparing for their child’s future care. Dear autism parent, […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – XI
Part 11: False Cures, Real Vulnerability “Can’t we do SOMETHING, Doctor?” Trying to find an answer to that question, after Krishna was diagnosed as autistic, we went for a second opinion. The doctor was extremely thorough. She showed us how to maintain a sleep diary, an activity diary, and a behaviour diary for about three […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – X
Part 10: The Gut, The Brain, and Everything In Between “It is not autism, it is gut-ism,” my mother said when Krishna was six. At the time, she and I knew nothing about the gut-brain axis. And she was so right. A major number of the issues autistic children face are closely linked to the […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – IX
Part 9: Therapies, Choices, and the Long Road Between Our son Krishna was diagnosed as autistic about six years ago at NIMHANS. What happened next? Shock, devastation, grief, fear. To be honest, as parents, we didn’t want our child to struggle lifelong just to survive in this world. We were scared witless about his future. […]
The Case of Manjamma’s Vanishing Relatives
“Is Manjamma’s work good?” my new neighbour asked me. This lovely young family had just relocated to India, and the lady was rediscovering the luxury of having domestic help. “Manjamma’s work is excellent,” I answered honestly. “When she comes.” The lady didn’t think to ask what I meant by that little addendum. We went on […]
Parenting Is Tough
Parenting is tough. Parenting an autistic child who cannot express themselves is an order of magnitude tougher. And there is no book or guide to walk you through this parenting journey, despite all the books on the subject. Because each parent’s journey is unique, whether their child is autistic or neurotypical. My journey till now […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – VIII
Part 8: Labels, and the Way We See I started writing this series on autism awareness because I needed to share what I’ve learnt till now on my journey with Krishna. I’ve been overwhelmed by parents who reached out to me to share their own stories. I’ve also been shocked by the experiences of some […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – VII
Part 7: Behaviour Is Not the Problem My son Krishna loves to clap and play with his fingers. He also hits his hands, feet, and head against hard surfaces – the walls, the floor, or my skull if nothing else is handy. Sometimes it’s a gentle knock. And sometimes, not. My husband and I didn’t […]