The Void
The night is dark and tender, charcoal and purple, a quiet canvas stretched wide across the sky, where pinpricks of light twinkle and gleam in the black velvet expanse, distant and steady. The warm weight of a little head rests on my lap, growing heavier by the minute, surrendering slowly to sleep. Lashes droop and […]
The Gentle, Fierce Night
There’s something soft about the night, where the dark is like an embrace that tells you it’s all going to be fine, that gentles your pain and blunts the sharp edge of grief, not by taking it away, but by holding it just lightly enough that you can breathe again. The world recedes a little […]
What You Tell Yourself In the Dark
The parenting journey is full of sleepless nights and exhausting days; autism parenting, much more so. These sleepless nights, though, sometimes bring a kind of clarity that gets lost in the noise and rush of the day, when you are moving from one task to another, solving, managing, responding, without pause. Krishna has been merrily […]
Gratitude
After Krishna was diagnosed as autistic seven years ago, his school asked him to leave. It was a CBSE school. They were supposed to provide a shadow teacher to facilitate learning for children with special needs. A doctor from NIMHANS had given the school a letter clearly stating that Krishna could attend regular school at […]
Happy Father’s Day!
Yesterday was Father’s Day. Let me confess: I had no idea such a day existed. I didn’t check LinkedIn till night. Then someone mentioned it, and of course I had to Google it—the third Sunday of every June is Father’s Day. It passed quietly and unnoticed, like many fathers do. So this post is for […]
Motherhood
Let me tell you a mother’s story. Illiterate, underprivileged—and with such phenomenal grit and love that I am dumbfounded. Before the redoubtable Manjamma began working for me, I was looking for someone reliable and clean to help with the housework. Knock, knock. “Ma’am, namaskara! I heard you’re looking for a househelp. I’m Shashikala. I need […]
Autism or Virtual Autism?
“No, my son isn’t autistic,” a young mother said, her eyes filling. “He has virtual autism.” Krishna’s therapist shared that this happens quite frequently nowadays. I had to go and look up what “virtual autism” is supposed to be. Some experts use the term “virtual autism” to describe the potential for excessive screen time to […]
When the “Right” Choice Isn’t Right
“Krishna, it’s time to eat!” Krishna’s little head popped up from the sofa. He eyed the dish in my hand suspiciously. Pulled it towards him. Inhaled, gently. Considered. Then a thin hand shot out and grabbed a mouthful. He chewed thoughtfully. I suppose the dish passed inspection. He finished most of it and dove back […]
What About School?
“Krishna goes to therapy? What about school?” someone asked me. “He can’t handle school as of now,” I replied. “Oh, how sad. You must try, you know. Don’t say he can’t handle it. Put him back in school and see. He’s missing so much!” “Thank you,” I smiled. The someone meant well—convinced that I was […]
Why Me!
“But why me???” I too cried this question out to the universe when Krishna was diagnosed as autistic. And many times after that, whenever it all became just too much to handle. I could answer myself in two ways: Why not me? And— Did I ask “why me” when people were praising baby Krishna for […]
Is Any Effort Wasted?
“How do I handle disappointment when my child forgets a skill he knew?” a parent asked me. We were talking about the immense effort we put in to help our children learn something. They seem to have mastered it—and then, sometimes, they forget the skill or lose it altogether. Krishna has lost large chunks of […]
They Hear You
Let me tell you a story about a common misconception: when someone doesn’t respond, they haven’t heard you. Especially when that someone is autistic. “Krishna, blue coloured ball!” CLAP! The ball was bright, shiny blue. It bounced and rolled in front of Krishna, but he resolutely ignored it. Krishna was about four. It was his […]